I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
