Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
