The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
