i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
