He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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