im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
