when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
