I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize