We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The air taste purple.
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