I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
