wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
