i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
