You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
