a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
