I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
