He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
