I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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