I'm gonna have a badass scar
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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