Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
