I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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