No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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