Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
