So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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