the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Enjoy the penises
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
