I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
