so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
