mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
