Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A bitchslap is in order.
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