My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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