Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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