I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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