her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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