you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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