Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
