hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
