Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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