Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
smell my finger.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
