I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
