hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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