I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
