Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
