You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
