i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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