Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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