the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
