new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
