found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
