i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
