bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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