I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
