its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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