I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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