Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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