So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
