once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize