He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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