literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I love having hate sex.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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