How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
