Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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