i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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