Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize