Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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