That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
