I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you win again, gameday.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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