But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The ass gains better be worth it
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