Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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